screams, whispers and songs from planet earth

Category: Musings Page 9 of 10

Welcome to the War

Once again I wake up with the fear. What am I afraid of? I say I want to write, that in my heart I know that’s what I’m meant to do, but then I can’t, or just won’t. Am I afraid of taking a chance, afraid of making a wrong turn, afraid of what the future holds, afraid I may use the wrong words? I’ll force myself anyway, come what may. Because I can’t continue on like this for another moment. The thought of fully entering into the realm of madness fills me with more fear than anything else. So I’ll take the chance. My salvation perhaps, that which keeps me free of yet another drug addiction, socially acceptable or not.

The worst part is this inability to concentrate. It’s full-blown warfare inside my head. The battle rages, but the soldiers are no longer under the orders of a central commander. Instead they run this way and that with various odd weaponry and ammunition. A cannon here, a musket there. Someone has an AK-47; another has what appears to be some sort of nuclear device. And all with wild looks in their eyes, under their own delusional orders, with unshakable faith in their own personal gods or demons.

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Road Kill

Fear and loathing on the North Shore.

He came darting out suddenly toward my right front tire – fearful, nervous, yet determined. Much the same as me around that god-forsaken rotary that spews people out gratefully like paint from a Spin Art machine.

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The Plight of the Staghorn Sumac

An essay about plant intolerance on the North Shore.

StaghornSumac1-500

The state of Massachusetts has a startling variety of vegetation, with many native species that range from Staghorn Sumac and Evening Primrose to Black-eyed Susan and New England Aster. Yet on this uppity outcropping of the state, according to the latest census, over 97% of the town consists of neatly manicured lawns.

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The Intrusion

Yes, a proper ‘musing’, though it’s kind of lame; you’ll forgive me, right? I’ve been sick and devoid of all useful thought. Up next, more bands.

Tompkins Square Park, New York City ~ May 3, 2011

I had driven into the city for a few days to clear my head, see a few shows, and try like mad to regenerate after nonstop work for the past few months. But I felt used up and drained of all life, wandering aimlessly around the Lower East Side.

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Thoughts and Prayers to Japan (and Christchurch NZ) – & A Reality Check from the East Coast

[As I was trying to finish this up, I got word of a massive earthquake that has struck Japan, along with a subsequent tsunami affecting much of the Pacific basin. My thoughts go out to everyone in its path.]

Two and a half weeks ago on February 22, a 6.3 magnitude earthquake struck Christchurch, New Zealand’s third largest city. They were hit last September by a 7.1 quake, but this time it was just three miles from the city, at a shallow depth. My first reaction was a very personal one – a deep concern for my dear friend Lizi, who started as an online ‘pen pal’ and quickly became, by virtue of her down-to-earth nature and wicked sense of humor, the sister I never had. I visited her in 2003, she visited me several years later one summer, and we pop in and out of each other’s lives from time to time with lengthy emails. Thankfully she and her family were ok, though dealing with an enormous mess and the tragedy of many lost lives. What followed once I heard back from her was that terrible realization of the fragility of our lives, dancing on the head of a pin as we all are, deeply immersed in the silliest of concerns, and how in an instant, our world can be turned upside down and we’re living inside of a news story instead of watching it passively on CNN.

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2010: My Year In Review

trees_2010

Eleven months into a year that’s felt more like twenty in the living of it, a thought swam into my mind that if I should happen upon a nice, freshly dug hole somewhere, I might have the inclination to crawl into it.

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On fixing what is broken

It felt like I was from another time, walking into that dealership. Overly large, overly bright, and overly shiny. Against a backdrop of brand new Harleys, modern and soulless; racks of unworn leather jackets, unused parts and accessories… I felt like a curious relic. There was something about that spacious, immaculate showroom that didn’t quite square with my rebellious sensibility. I made my way with uncertainty to the front counter, feeling like I was operating on a different frequency, in some sort of warped alternate universe.

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Possum

I almost ran over him at the route 60 exit
before the forlorn row of fast food restaurants
he had scurried across the road in front of my car
and then, in confusion and bewilderment,
agitated and translucent
in the harsh glare of strip mall and street lights
scurried back into the middle of the street
in search of something half-remembered
though exactly what, he did not know.

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On reaching that special place

I’m standing in a dark Cambridge club, watching set lists being put out; last minute arrangements before the show. The mechanics, the logistics, the arranging and planning that goes into a 90 minute performance of music.

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Spring

Empty page, budding trees, singing birds, brand new start
yet familiar yearnings in my heart
the pain of connecting, then by fate forced apart
and I wonder what you’re thinking, what you’re doing, where you are.

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Page 9 of 10

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